Ok. We’re back. Deep breath. Exhale. Ok. Whew. As you can imagine we’re a little shell shocked. It feels like every emotion known to man was dumped in a blender, pulverized, and poured into our soul. We are not the same. We don’t expect to ever be and we are good with that.
And we are so sorry for the temporary black out. It was necessary, for Jef, for us. But now we have 99.9% verified things and got our bearings. So, anyway, yes, JEF IS ALIVE!!!! How do we know? Well….
Wednesday evening, the 28th, Craig went out to get the mail –we hadn’t checked it since we returned Saturday evening—in it was a letter with a French postmark addressed to us but with our last name misspelled. We didn’t recognize the handwriting. On the back of the envelope was a return address in a whole different hand, and also an email address. Inside was a short note written on a piece of 3x5 spiral notebook paper in handwriting we instantly recognized as Jef’s saying, basically, “I’m ok. Don’t worry. I got a job.” Signed Jef A Bryant. A p.s. was added which referenced certain information and dates only Jef and we would understand. The word March was underlined. On the back of the paper he wrote our name and address. “Oh my God he’s alive!!”
We were stunned. We were relieved. We were worried. We were angry. We were happy. We were baffled. A million thoughts jumped to mind. Craig figured he was trying to send a message by underlining March. Why 3 different handwritings? Why wouldn’t Jef address the letter himself? Why a damn LETTER? And why did this other person send his email. EMAIL? Lets email the guy. We did and we googled him up. We couldn’t find a person that matched the address on the envelope and so no phone number. And it being 6 hours ahead in France we figured it would be early morning before we heard back. During that time we brainstormed ourselves into exhaustion trying to figure it all out.
Finally we fell asleep, sick to our stomachs and totally wiped out. I woke up around 4:00 that morning anticipating the 6 hour difference. Around 5 am the message came in. Hello, I was in the same group as Jef. He is doing well and is ok don't worrie about that…. He was selected….Once the training will be over he will have rights to give news….the most notable difference is ... his haircut. Now 3mm on the head….Jef is a good boy. He has friends in the group…..to know more about Legion Etrangere…… Legion Etrangere? What is…? The Foreign Legion? WHAT? THE FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION? THE FREAKING FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION?
Yes, Jef joined the French Foreign Legion. Suddenly, it all made sense, well, not suddenly, and certainly not ALL, but after learning about the FFL on line and corresponding a few more times with Jef’s co-enlistee we siphoned and deciphered and came to a reasonable explanation for two of his actions;
1. Why he left absolutely EVERYTHING behind –when you join the legion they take everything away from you the minute you walk through the door. And the door is always open – you can sign up 24/7 – 365 days a week. You just knock on the door and say, “I am (your nationality). I want to join the legion.”
2. Why he NEVER heard our pleas, why he never saw his face plastered all over the newspaper and on TV and why he didn’t contact us–once you walk through that door you are not allowed any contact with the outside world; not even pen and paper. Apparently Jef slipped his note to this guy who was leaving the Legion (for medical reasons) and asked him to contact us.
As Jef’s fellow Legionaire said, “The Legion is a good and honorable path.” We know Jef didn’t think it all the way through, like maybe that people wouldn’t NOTICE he was missing, and maybe once inside the door he realized, ‘Damn I can’t contact ‘em.’ That’s what we’re thinking. We don’t know why he didn’t tell anyone about his decision. But we are so happy he is alive, that he is doing something constructive, that he is doing something he has expressed desire to do periodically over the years – join the military.
In all of our investigation and questioning the FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION just never came up. But now in hindsight, if we had known the FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION even existed, and how they operated, maybe, just maybe, we MIGHT have considered it. Of course questions still abound and we won’t be able to talk to him til late February. But at least we know WHERE he is and HOW he is. And for now that is the greatest thing in the world.
Throughout this whole ordeal, in the darkest doubting times, I always prayed that if it could be so, God would give us a FAIRY TELL ENDING. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I was writing this update, I remembered an essay I wrote last year called “Losing Religion Finding Faith’ and the last chapter titled “LIFE”. I think in it God was preparing me to live this year what I could only contemplate last year. But we all share the same state – a temporary life in a dangerous world. We have no guarantees. So, I share it in part with you now (even tho it needs work). Again, THANK YOU – THANK YOU for your prayers, your hopes, your love. We are forever bound now In Love and Gratefulness, Jane
LIFE
Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die.
But God does not take away life;
instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him. 2 Samuel 14:14
…….Responsible humans try to wait until their children are old enough before putting hard things on them. But God doesn’t always do things the way responsible human parents do. Sometimes he acts like he’s God. It happens when it happens no matter what and without warning. Even earthquakes and tsunami’s give warnings. God, he gives no warning. Even for the Big Stuff. Crash! Your son is killed driving his bike home from school. Slam! Your daughter is drugged and raped. Thud! Your husband keels over from an aneurism. No warning. No time to prepare, to brace yourself. It’s just “Hey! Look out!” And there you are walking around in a daze for days, years even.
There is no creature hidden from his sight. Everything is open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do. Hebrews
I think that is why God went to such great lengths to show himself as God and as man. He knows what this world is about, who he is, what he’s about. He knew it wouldn’t fly to just yell down from heaven with a bunch of sweet sayings, good thoughts and pontifical teachings. He gave us the legacy of his unrelenting real self, in the flesh subject to all just as we are; fear, hesitation, anger, comfort, joy, love of life, longevity, peace. I wonder if this subjection is part of what made him a man of sorrows. Unlike us he did not seek diversion from nor live in denial of his fleshly existence. He faced it head on every second of his life. He is our hope and our evidence that we can do it too; we too can endure, we too can love radically, we too can rise to eternal life, life un-affected and undeterred by death, by evil, even by sin. With him we can do it. He knows we are all destined to stand at some point in our lives on the precipice of doubt wondering what the hell is going on here? And he knows first hand, from experience that it will take an act of God to bring us through the wilderness of suffering and temptation without perishing. We can do nothing apart from him and he expects us to do nothing apart from him. Thank God.
A friend and I were talking about pain and suffering. He said God did not cause it. It was a result of the fall and something that happened apart from God. So I offered an analogy. What if a child was playing outside in full view of her father and a large rabid dog jumped the fence. What if the father fully aware of the dog and having the means to protect the child did nothing and let the dog maul his daughter. Before I could even finish this story he got very angry and said, “I know where you are going with this and I will not even think about it.”
Why are we afraid to think about these things, to ask God about these things? I think we’re afraid that his answer will be insufficient and then where would we turn? Or maybe we’re afraid he’ll be disappointed that we have to bring these unpleasant things up and can’t just trust him. Or maybe we’re just afraid.
I used to feel bad because I didn’t just take God at his word and had to argue it all out. But then I realized that was my personality. I am a verbal processor. Some of us are high need, some of us are happy go lucky. God doesn’t have a favorite personality profile for his children. He gets as much pleasure out of the quiet compliant ones as he does the high maintenance stubborn ones. He loves our personality. He doesn’t want to change it. It’s our keeping things from him, hiding our disappointments, fears, doubts, or trying to ingratiate ourselves to him with our good behavior, this is what he’s trying to change in us.
We don’t have to protect God from these questions. His job is to protect us in our doubts. The everlasting way includes dark tunnels, cliff-side hairpin turns, soaring heights, smooth sailing, deep waters, caravanning through desserts and just sitting in your living room staring at the walls. It is a million moments. And at this moment, I am – God is – we are – all here. Being here is life. To enjoy being here is God’s sufficient grace. To trust being here is faith. To leave being here is courage.
To Eternity and Beyond!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
